D3 body, D1 cock
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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