Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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