i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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