I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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