If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
