we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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