We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
