Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
