She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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