Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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