Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
