You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
