I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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