tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
