I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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