I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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