I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
