I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
