PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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