I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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