Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
