I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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