i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
