I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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