Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
