does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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