I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
