i may or may not be watching the land before time
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
