I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
