Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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