Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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