Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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