I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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