Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
