I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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