I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
