I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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