then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
