my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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