Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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