Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
