I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
