We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
