That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
