I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
