Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
