it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
