You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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