Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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