I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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