I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
