They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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