what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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