My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
